Can you re-word that?

It is very easy to ask something which is technically correct, but is leaving your self open to a silly reply if you asked the wrong person.
One particular case springs to mine, where a poor, unsuspecting member of the public had the following conversation with a friend of mine:
Joe Public - Excuse me, Guard, Guard.
Guard - Yes sir, how can I help you?
J.P. - Can you tell me how long the next train will be?
G - Certainly sir, approximately 600 feet sir.

He did go on to explain to the poor man after wards that he was pulling his leg, and give the information that the gentleman wanted.

 

When I was a taxi driver in Northamptonshire I had a reputation for accidents after writing-off a few vehicles. Some of the regular customers would call the taxi controller to find out where their taxi was by asking "How long will our taxi be ?"; when they got the reply "14ft 6in if the driver doesn't knock the bumper off !" it told them both that their taxi was on its way and that I would be their driver !

 

lol. I have to confess I am the sort of person who would give a silly answer to any given question if I can...

 

You know - thats one of my regular responses with the customers... Or (2 coaches, 3 if ya lucky)

Other classics include...
Customer - Wheres the train for X Me - Its about 2 miles away
Customer - Does this train stop at X Me - I hope so, or a lot of passengers will be very unhappy

 

It,s like when Joe Public asks the engine driver how do they light the fire?, "With a match" he says.

Regards
Chris

 

It,s like when Joe Public asks the engine driver how do they light the fire?, "With a match" he says.

Regards
Chris

 

Disposable lighter... then chuck it in too...

 

Passenger:
"How much is the next train to Waterloo?"

Booking Clerk:
"'bout £5.5 million quid sir"

 

Another pet hate is...

Passenger - Does this train go to X
Me - Yes
Passenger - Are you sure
Me - Yes
Pessenger - Good because i want to go to Y
Me - Well it does not go through there
Passenger - Oh, which train do i need then?

Or
Pessenger - Wheres my train ive been waiting on platform X for ages
Me - It left on time from Platform Y

 

Passenger: "Where does your coal come from?"

Crew: "Off the back of a lorry."

 

No its not......Its the conveyor! :lol:

 

A hole in the ground is my normal answer to that one!

 

Lady peering into the cab "I s it true that the driver and firemen fry eggs and bacon on the shovel?" Footplate crew;" Yes madam it certainly is, and very tasty it is too". Lady peering into the cab is looking thoughtful, and eventually observes;" I see there is no toilet in a steam locomotive's cab, what would the crew do it on if they were on a long journey with no stops?" . The loco crew carefully lead the lady's eyes to the shovel! The lady peering into the cab pulls a strange face and departs quickly. =D>

 

loved that last one =D> =D>

 

We had one young lady on a footplate experience.

Lady. how do you stear the train.

Driver / fireman. well you have to lean from side to side and the loco follows.

they proceded for the rest of the trip to lean from side to side..,,

i wish i had been there!

 

We alawys used to spin the reverser in answer to that one - very hard to keep a straight face though.

 

I was at Reading station on Monday waiting on platform 4a for my train home when up on the screen came the notice to stand well away from the edge of the platform as the approaching train was not supposed to stop at this station, along with an announcement.

Platform 4a is a bay platform...

 

Innocent child: How do you get a train out from behind another one in the sheds even though the one in front isn't in steam?
Me: You scrap the one in front of it so there is nothing left and the engine behind can pass through...


Passenger: How can you drive a train even though you don't steer it?
Me: You see this? (points to the handbrake) That is how you steer!

WB, at Redhill once a train pulled up in the platform nearest Redhill itself (on the LH side from the Gatwick direction) and as the driver got out an announcement came up and said "The next train to call at platform X is not scheduled to stop at this station" and he then looked rather puzzled!!

 

Joe Public, "where's the steering wheel?"

jtx (long-sufferingly), "Think about it."

JP (still not there yet), "How does it go round bends, then?"

jtx (almost speechless), "Corners like it was on rails, sir."

Scenario. 80079, Platform 1, Bridgnorth, rain coming down like stair rods, departure imminent:

Elderly TTI, streaming, "Excuse me, driver, can you see the guard from here?"

jtx, slumped in seat, looking along boiler of engine, "No, mate, I'm looking forward, he's behind me somewhere."

I know, I know, but sometimes it has to be said. We call them SFQs in the Job. The S is for silly, the Q is for question, the F is an adjective that would not make it through the swear filter.

Elderly TTI, for some reason, was unamused.

Heigh - Ho.

 

Many years ago a father was showing his young child round the museum and son asked "how do the trains stay together daddy?" Father replies, pointing at buffers, "Those are big magnets which stick them together".

Had to go into a corner for a good chuckle after that one.