How do your wives/girlfriends view your interest in Steam Railways ?

My own Mrs is reasonably supportive of me volunteering 1 day per week as it is part of the normal routine, but how do your other halves view your interest in Railways ? Does it affect if you volunteer or not. ?

I recall once being on Loughborough (GCR) station. There was a Black 5 in the platform and I overhead this elderly gent explaining to his wife that these 2 cylinder machines, were designed by W Stanier and were the workhorses of British rail !!! and she turned and said nothing but gave him such a black look ! I just imagined her thinking:- Look dear I couldn't give a s***

 

Mine leaves me go off on my own for a week here and there and we're both happy. If she is with me when we just happen to come across a Railway, she tolerates it.

 

My fiancée enjoys train travel and indeed has been much more adventurous in her solo train travel around Europe than I have! She is however mightily relieved that I don't collect numbers!

Steven

 

After a few girlfriends in the distant past who objected to the whole idea of volunteering, visiting lines, modelling trains, etc etc etc I made sure to put in a "screening process" to ensure they knew what they were getting themselves into. As yet I haven't persuaded any partners to actually join in with volunteering with me, but they have always positively enjoyed visiting lines.

 

The rhetorical question that immediately springs to my mind is "... and why should she have done?"

My experience of many railway enthusiasts (including my own father) is that they have a habit of talking at people, rather than to them, banging on for Britain in tedious detail about the subject, which can be extremely irritating. They often merely assume that, just because they are interested in it, other people want to be as well. That, somehow, people 'need' to be 'educated' and given the benefit of their knowledge on the subject.

Yet, at the same time, you hear them frequently criticising the interests of others, for example making snarky comments about "22 men kicking a bag of wind" and "'She who must be obeyed' (a phrase I cannot abide) watching the soaps, which is such a waste of time" and so on.

I made all those mistakes with a couple of early girlfriends. Fortunately I realised pretty early on that learning social skills like...
(1) A lot of self-awareness, (2) Not taking oneself or one's interests too seriously, (3) Embracing, celebrating and showing interest in the hobbies/pastimes/preferences of others, and (4) Understanding that those who are not interested in railways are equally not interested in hearing you talk about the subject (and why should they be?)

... can go a very long way to making for positive and mutually-rewarding relationships with all non-railway enthusiasts. It has certainly worked for me. Years ago the (now former) Mrs DB and I found a common point of reference by dubbing Sir Keith Park 'Sir Keviiiin' (in a curious mix of Roland Rat and Kevin the teenager), spending an entire weekend on the SVR giggling about it - far more enjoyable for both of us than me loudly giving 'the Bulleid lecture' or 'the Battle of Britain' lecture at her. (We're still friends. And we still chuckle about it). Playing 'spot the spotter' and 'photograph the photographer' are more recent favourite games of mild mutual amusement with my girlfriend.

Conversely, I've come across couples who are both earnestly passionate about the same subject and very soon ended up thinking "Do you ever talk about anything else?!"

 

I'm rather lucky,

My wife enjoys going on trains, and if the railway is well presented enjoys the atmosphere and ambience. If there is a bacon sandwich or a decent scone and a brew on offer that helps too. (The lakeside and Haverthwaite do the best scones of any railway we have visited to date).

She is less fussed about museums, as they lack the atmosphere and the smells of operational railways.

There was a bit of a turning point a few years ago when she had a trip on the footplate, and got off sooty, but grinning. The first thing she said to me afterwards was 'I get it now.'

Chris

 

My good lady tolerates my interest and she rather enjoys a day out somewhere like the SVR or the North Norfolk, just as long as she can get on with her craft work! She also likes it if there's a few other Wives and Girlfriends about because they go and do something like go for a wonder around somewhere like Bridgnorth, and me and the boys can go off and do our thing and all meet up again later in the day. Nearly 2 years ago we paid a visit to the NYMR, and on the last train from Whitby, she had a craft bag with her and was working on that with a glass of Prossecco, the 25 was making a lovely noise up the banks, I had a beer, we both happy in our own little world!

 

Frequent occurrence in some Nat Pres threads !

 

Tolerates railway nonsense and a fan of German electronica too?

;-)

Chris

 

How about asking those of other genders how there partners view their enthusiasm for railways? It's not completely a male hobby.

 

.... nor has it been since Sonia Rolt took over the ticket office at Wharf Station getting on for seven decades ago .... Gentlemen kindly take note!

 

other genders? that would be Female and er....Alien?

 

I thought the op was quite brave in seeking the views of the few female rail supporters who are also attracted to the same sex.

As well as seeking out those with multiple partners.

 

One previous suitor said she hated trains (that didn't last long), a few haven't really 'got it' whereas the current is very supportive. Doesn't demand my time on a Saturday so I can go do what I like down at the yard and also likes to visit on operational days with her 11 year old lad who loves trains.

Him: " I like uncle Stuart because he has a Porsche...... But Anthony drives a steam train so he's my favourite."

Also on the subject, a good thing to see is a number of female volunters we have, mostly coming in to work with their significant others (happily of their own free will). Two of which like to get down and do dirty work, the other two happy to make brews and run the admin side of things.

 

Thank you for starting this thread, which could turn out to be one of the most interesting for some time - and a welcome change from livery debates!

My wife has been great. I only volunteer occasionally due to time pressures, but she's happy with this and would actually be pleased if one day at some point in the future, when I eventually either retire or (more likely) switch to working part time, I was able to volunteer more regularly, which I would like to.

Essentially, where one of us has an interest which the other does not share, we try to take an interest in each other's hobbies as best we can. My wife is very good when it comes to trains. When we were first going out and indeed, at the start of married life, she would come with me on quite long days out - for instance, from our home in Sussex to Swanage and back in day. However, it was a long, tiring day for her and she said that it would be better for me to go on my own in future; she wouldn't mind at all. As for some of my other trips, I've never expected she would want to come with me (or suggested she should) if it meant a long drive to stand in a muddy field on a cold winter day waiting to photograph a main line steam special which will probably be running half an hour late!

When we go away on holiday, she's quite happy to have a ride on a local heritage railway in the area with me and she also enjoys dining on a train. We have been on a number of main line trips together, although shelling out for 2x premier dining means that we often only manage one main line run per year as it isn't cheap! I much prefer travelling with her, however, to being on my own.

When it isn't feasible (or interesting) for her to go with me, I try not to overdo it with too many long solo days out, but when something special crops up, she's fine about it.

So I'll be on my own for two very long days to which I'm very much looking forward - a ride on the Gloucester-Warwick railway's Broadway extension when it opens and Tornado's 90mph "Ebor Flyer" trip on 14th April. The number of times I've told her how much I'm looking forward to these two days, especially the York trip! She puts up with it all (and with me in general) very well.

 

When I volunteered at a preserved line back in the late 70s a young girl ( early 20s) would sometimes work in the ticket office at weekends and she would bring her husband with her who was an enthusiastic cross dresser and volunteer on the railway doing various menial tasks, sometimes he would turn up dressed like your normal working man other times he would turn up dressed like Emma Peel which used to turn a few heads.

 

viva la difference!

 

As already noted, excellent thread this! I have just read out some of the comments to Helen and she agrees with pretty well all of the sentiments expressed. If I fancy a day with the camera, I go off on my own, however we also like to go together and wholeheartedly agree with Chris86 about refreshments! - many thanks for tip about L&HR scones; I haven't been there for donkey's years and will put that right now there's a good incentive for a long trip!!
When we go together, she enjoys 'people watching' if I want to go to the platform end/yard and good locations to do this with suitable 'facilities' are at Rothley on the GCR and Alresford at the MHR; both have facilities for tea drinking and cake eating on the platform!
She also said that my interest in railways is better than going off to the pub! This was then qualified by her then adding; ..."but you do that as well"...!!

 

My girlfriend is generally content with my hobby, so long as it doesn't interfere with family life too much. Saying that, she wasn't overly happy when I took her for a romantic weekend in the Peak District a couple of years ago, the same weekend as a Tin Bath was running...! She was pretty happy with doing a steam tour in Italy as well.

When we were looking at houses, she discounted a couple as there wasn't enough room for my stuff (mainly books - she wasn't keen on having a couple of hundred railway books in the living room...).

She's happy to go to a preserved railway for the day, if there's something to do there as well as just a train ride. NVR works well in that respect, we can get the train there and Ferry Meadows country park is a pleasant enough place to visit for a couple of hours. Now our boy is a bit older, going further afield is an option, especially if we can get there by train in a reasonable time without too much faffing around with the buggy. The Bluebell is definitely an option, as Sheffield Park gardens appeal.

 

As a happy and contented 'born again Bachelor' it's not a problem living a 'Martini' lifestyle....any time, any place, anywhere