You Know You've Got It Bad When....

This item is not strictly factual, but i submit it may contain a lot of truth about some of us.

YOU KNOW YOU’VE GOT IT BAD WHEN………….

Sherlock Holmes was once said to remark that every occupation imprints its own distinctive traits on those who practice it. I was reminded of this one wet Sunday when the Track Gang took refuge in the shop. A railway video was being played and I noticed a collective wince every time the film showed an engine going over a bad joint.
So what are the signs which mark the obsessive railway enthusiast? Well, try some of these and see how you score:
1. a) You read Steam Railway magazine every month.
b) You read EVERY railway magazine every month.
c) Your collection of railway magazines goes back at least 20 years
d) You can recognise any preserved railway on TV in five seconds, without ever having visited that railway.

2. a) You store railway equipment in your garage.
b) You store so much railway equipment in your garage that you cannot get the car in.
c) You’ve extended the garage and you still cannot get the car in
d) You fix the car in the engine shed anyway so what is the problem.

3. a) You make long trips to photograph steam engines.
b) You make long trips to photograph steam engines in the rain.
c) You make long trips to photograph steam engines in the rain and stand with your waterproofs over your camera and tripod while you get wet.
d) A bunch of golfers go past and you say they must be absolutely crackers to be out in this.

4. a) You own a set of spanners.
b) You own a Stilson wrench.
c) you own a ¾” socket set.
d) You smash all nuts off with a cold sett and sledgehammer, so the above are not required.

5. a) You work in an office but you know what Swarfega is.
b) You carry your own Swarfega in your car at all times.
c) You use Swarfega to clean a grease spot off your wife’s dress saying “lucky I work on a preserved railway or that dress would have been ruined”.
d) You expect to do c) and live.

6. a) You own a share in a locomotive.
b) You store parts off the locomotive at home for safe keeping.
c) You keep so many parts at home that suddenly part of a Wakefield lubricator is poking through your bedroom ceiling.
d) You tell your wife that she is to be most careful with the lubricator when she re-decorates.

7. a) Your suggestion of a touring holiday in North Wales is instantly refused.
b) Your suggestion of a touring holiday in France is treated with considerable suspicion.
c) You arrive at Tournon ten minutes before a metre gauge train is due to blast its way into the Ardeche
d) You say “Oh gosh, what a coincidence”, and you really think you’re going to get away with this.

8. a) You can assemble a fishplate joint.
b) You can tell a good fishplate from a worn one.
c) When you go to another preserved railway the first thing you look at is the track.
d) When you watch a railway video you stare at every fishplate joint as the engine goes over it to see if it is properly packed.

9. a) You know what an S1 chair is.
b) You know the difference between an S1 and an S2.
c) You know the difference between an S1 and an S2 at 20 paces.
d) You know the difference between an S1 and an S2 when they are upside down in the mud at 20 paces at night.

10. a) You know at a glance the company origin of a signal box by the style of the building.
b) You know how to dismantle a signal box in order to move it.
c) You know how to move a signal box without dismantling it.
d) You were the maniac sitting on the roof with a forked pole to lift the telephone wires out of the way as the box passed beneath on a low loader.

11. a) You own a high visibility vest.
b) You own a pair of safety boots.
c) You own a pair of working gloves.
d) You mostly don’t bother with working gloves because your hands are heavily calloused anyway.

12. Against orders a volunteer in your P.Way gang rolls a rail with a crowbar jammed in a fishbolt hole, and the bar springs back and smacks him between the eyes. Do you :-
a) Rush him to hospital
b) Give him first aid and make him a cup of tea.
c) Tell him to rest for five minutes and make everyone a cup of tea
d) Check the crowbar to make sure its all right.

Tim

 

In reply to your questionaire,

1) A
2) Not been volunteering long enough but if you remove the word "railway" B applies.
3) All of them.
4) All of them.
5) D, but replace Swarfega with sugar and a drop of Fairy liquid.
6) A is the closest as I have donated to a couple of projects but I am sure I will progress to D!
7) A is a no go as the family have wised up to North Wales but I can still get away with B,C,& D.
8 ) B & C.
9) C, but used to work on the P way about 20 years back.
10) If I got the chance D!
11) 3-4 years ago probably D but as I have had an office job for a day job since then it is now A-C.
12) B, C & D in that order.

Cheers for that Tim,
Neil.

 

1)a
2)a
3)a
4)a,b,c,d
5)b
6)a
7)a
8)b
9)b
10)a
11)a,b,c,d
12)d,a

 

1. A
2. A
3. A
4. A
5. A
6. A
7. B
8. None of the above
9. None of the above
10. None of the above
11. A,B
12. C

 

1 - not anymore
2 - a
3 - none of the above
4 - none of the above
5 - a / b
6 - none of the above
7 - none of the above
8 - a / b / c / d
9 - a / b / c / d
10 - a / b / c - actually witnessed d (Bradwell near Bamford)
11 - a / b / c
12 - a

 

Well Tim,

Looks like you should have made this one into a poll!

You forgot hand-sawing rail to length and then hand-drilling the fish-plate holes - all under the July mid-day sun. Mad-dogs and Peak Rail vols only needed apply!

 

Granted that cutting rails with a hand operated rail saw is a pretty desperate business, by what process of descending insanity did we get to that point? Some of the rails concerned were non standard and we had to saw half an inch off each end of every such rail.

For those who have not tried it, a hand saw is nearly as heavy as a petrol saw, and is sometimes known to its users as "99 change hands" - and it takes around 800 strokes to cut a rail. Mind you, I remember tracklaying on the Tanfield some thirty years ago and they used to carry rails around on their shoulders. One one occasion I saw a forty foot rail balanced on a two wheel handcart and rolled into Marley Hill shed to be cut in the workshop. The bit about the Wakefield lubricator allegedly happened to a Tanfield volunteer at around that time.

Tim

 

what happened with the lubricater then

 

Well, it was over twnty years ago, so I would reckon they got out of bed very quickly, the lubricator went back on the engine in the end, the ceiling got repaired - and that the wife has neither forgotten nor forgiven the incident to this day.

Tim

 

That's NOTHING... a member at Rutland Railway Museum spent 5 HOURS and got through about 6 blades, cutting flat bottom rail with a hack saw!!!

No imagination!!!

In terms of the questions...

Have you been stalking me???

How do you know me so well????????

 

How do I know you so well? See my other stories!

Tim

 

From a womans perspective......

1. You find it more exciting to cook in the support coach than in your nice kitchen at home

2. You dont have a problem moving old TV's, cleaners equipment etc out of the only female
shower cubicle on a depot just to have a shower.

3. You have back nails, no nail varnish and indeed no nails and are not embarrassed about it.

4. Your Beauty Therapist daughter has tired of telling you how bad continual soot applications
are for your facial skin.

5. You dont want to paint the house, but spend hours with cylinder covers off The King.

6. The highlight of your weekend is covering yourself in paraffin and Brasso.

7. You phone your sister on Sherborne Station whilst on holiday in Italy in order to lineside
60019

8. Having spent close to £30 in your hairdressers, you then stand out on a very wet and
windy railway bridge complete with whistle board and hubby, waiting for a railtour which
may or may not materialise.

9 You are happier with a set of spanners and screwdrivers than with a nailcare set or a bag of
makeup

10 You're ideal way of spending an evening is not sitting down with the latest chick flick and a
box of tissues, but with an armful of steam DVD's and a pad to jot down locations.

FC