QUick replies and stupid passengers...

Keep em coming \/

 

That is suprisingly common with railstaff on the mainline who are in full uniform. Also the line "Do you work here?" where you wonder if they think you dress like this for fun...

 

Part 3- train enquiries-

from my BR days-
1. passenger- "I wish to reserve a seat but not above the wheels".
railman- "But madam, all the seats are above the wheels.."
2.Passenger wants to reserve a seat on a busy London bound commuter train but I refused by saying "Sorry we do not reserve seats on that train. The only person who gets a reserved seat is the driver".

heritage rail scene-
3. "What time does the one o'clock train leave?".
4. "Are the trains cancelled today because it is raining?".
5. "Does your carriages have a roof and windows?".
6. Recently heard at the Llangollen Railway- " Is this the train that goes up Snowdon Mountain?"
7. "Can I have a 2 and half percent discount on my train fare due to the reduction in VAT?". ........
....................( passenger still refused to accept there was no VAT on fares so was going to seek a second opinion....)

Thats your lot .....

 

Just thought of another one, though I can't vouch for it's accuracy as I wasn't there.

Apparently when Flying Scotsman was over here in 1988/89 one of the local, um, experts(?) decided to inform Roland Kennington that the Valves were set wrong. The response was along the lines of "you do know it's got 3 cylinders, don't you".

 

Passenger: How long will the next train be?
Staff: Five Coaches and a locomotive!

Ha!!

 

The other suprisingly common one is when you are out on the mainline, stopped at a platform and joe public ask you the time of the next train to wherever.

 

Passenger trying to make his way through a crowded corridor on the SVR teak set last weekend - gave up saying " I'm dying for a pee, but the toilets in the 1st two coaches are locked and out of use! Response fom another passenger " Stand with one leg on either seat and use the winndow (pause) but watch out for mailbags!

 

Or on a preserved railway - Asking what time the next train is coming/going!!! We have a job to stick with our own timetable!!! lol

 

When doing TTI I quite often get asked by the passengers whom are boarding the train, which has all doors open and lots of free space "Can we sit anywhere on the train?" Depending on what mood / sense of humour the passenger seems to have the reply is either : "Anywhere there is space, of course sir/madam" , or "Well, we do prefer it if passengers don't travel on the roofs or carriage chassis".

So far all passengers have enjoyed that one

 

Slightly drunk passenger - How do we get off? we want this stop? There is no platform.
Slightly surprised guard - We haven't got to the station yet.

 

The air conditioning on these old coaches isn't very good, it stops working when ever we stop in a station!

 

on a firing turn in 2008, we had a poor batch of coal which produced very little heat but rather accrid smoke. A member of the public asked "why is the smoke so black?" to which my driver replied "were using Nigerian coal"

Also on the same day, just after lunch, I was having trouble keeping steam up and had to stop for a blow up. My driver then climbed down from the cab and walked back to the breakvan and told the bemussed passengers that the engine thought it was still on lunch time

not railway related;
my first job was with a small engineering company in Derby. Just before they went bust, we had a chap walk in from the street, straight into the machine shop and asked "are there any jobs going here?" to which my mate replied " most of them!" the poor chap didn't know wether to laugh or hit him.

 

That's not always funny. What about the people who got a 5 mph speed restriction slapped on part of the Nottingham section of the GCR after they bought a station house? If and when the two lines are reunited they should, just the once in the middle of the night, run a Class 66 with 5 empty hopper wagons past at full tilt and full horn, then deny it ever happened.

 

While I'm at it, here's the oldest real railway joke I know. My father was a Bristol man, though he started on the M&SWJ at Andoversford Junction, and was an LMS & LMR man for the rest of his career. Anyway, he was often at Temple Meads where he heard this anecdote (or joke?) that he never forgot.
Posh lady to station porter: "I say there, how can I get to Weston-super-Mare?"
Porter: "Well ma'am, best you go to Clevedon, next train's in 5 minutes, and then you need to ask for the Weston, Clevedon & Portishead"

Except that he didn't give her that line's full name, but its usual abbreviation.

Lady: "If I didn't need to catch my train, I'd see your superior and have you dismissed!" Lady flounces off.

 

Bearing in mind this is steam railway

Customer: "Excuse me, can you turn the air conditioning on in here, it's very hot."
Me:"This is a steam train, we do not have air conditioning as it was not around in 1940"
Customer:"Oh"
*Laughs from the group she was with*

 

Yes some diesel fans are "odd". Do you remember the woman who allegedly used to feed smarties to class 50's at Exeter? Partly melted chocolate in allsorts of odd places......

Cheers, Neil

 

Standing round 'Henbury' (In steam) and 'Portbury' (dragged out of the shed for draining) today, a greek chap walked over to us and enquired if Henbury was working, to which we replied yes, it is preserved and used on the harbour railway. He informed us his friend worked on this very same loco in Greece (Obviously) and walked off.
Seemingly not satisfied, he came back a few moments later and asked us if we knew how trains go round bends. A bit perplexed, we said 'yes...' and he proceeded to elaborate on the presence of centre differentials in the axles on 'ALL TRAINS' - he was quite clear that it was all trains that had it and refused to be told otherwise by anyone because he had 'written a letter on it'. I hope we all learned something!

I last saw him inviting himself aboard the brake van.....